my break up story

So as u can guess from the title i am having bad days me and blah broke up a few weeks ago actually he dumped me =( this is why i have been away for all this time. i was trying to recover my heart and soul i thought i could do it by hiding and denying but i now know i gotta put them into words to move on with my life.

as a result i decided to write about this phases i am being through this is my break up story;

THE 1st PHASE:THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME

when he told that he wanted to break up, i cried non-stop for the first four or five days (and on and off) the following days i kept repeating “i can’t believe this is happening to me” and asking “are you sure?” it just didn’t seem real and I wondered when I would wake up from this horrible nightmare.

I didn’t eat or sleep for days

2. MENTAL TURMOIL

After the weeks that followed, the range of emotions I felt was often overwhelming. I was angry that he could seemingly ruin my life with that one, of my big mistake. The pain engulfed me, and at times it seemed never-ending. I felt like I was literally buried in sadness.

I felt robbed of the beautiful future that I thought we would have together.

3. TORMENTING QUESTIONS

How could I be so foolish, stupid, and oblivious? I was so embarrassed that I never saw it coming. I was totally blind-sided. I felt confused because we seemed so happy. I thought we loved each other. I thought we cared for each other. Her friends, seemingly, envied us. Our friendship strong and I’d describe our communication as open and respectful. Simply put, we were good together – or so I thought.

How could I not know? How could I have been the only one in this relationship that was blissfully happy? How could I be so stupid?

I felt so humiliated that I could not have known him like I thought I did. I began to wonder if we ever REALLY know someone. I began to question absolutely EVERYTHING that we said and did over the past several years together. Was it all just a big lie? Was it all just an illusion?

The one question I kept asking myself was “what have I done to deserve this?”

4. WORRIES

I was afraid of being on my own because I had never been on my own. I was afraid I could not support myself. What if I wasn’t strong enough to make it on my own? What if no one would ever fancy me or love me again? How would I learn to trust again? How would I regain my will to live again? I feared that I might do something “foolish”. I wondered if I might be manic-depressive or bi-polar. What if I never stopped crying?

Ultimately, I worried that I would always feel this lost and scared and alone.

5. ALONG CAME THE MAD CRAZIES

All my empathetic friends gave me the most creative ideas of how to get back at him. They suggested watercress in the carpet, cutting up clothes, hair removal crème in the shampoo, fish in the floorboards or wall cavities – you name it, I heard I!

The revenge fantasies worked for a while but eventually I got bored and opted for a more positive form of revenge. Besides, “what comes around goes around” and I didn’t really want the bad karma!

6. ACCEPTANCE & LOOKING FORWARD

After a month or so, the shock had subsided slightly and the fears were less haunting I started to feel a bit better. My confidence came trickling back. .Eventually, weeks after the break-up, a new feeling emerged: RELIEF yea i have been sad all this time In the early stages. Then, the vindictive side wished he would get dumped to see how it felt. The vengeful side wanted to make him pay for what he had done to me. The naïve side wished he’d come back begging. The insecure side wanted him to come back and take care of me. Then, the independent side took over i know i will move on my life (soon)

i am not as angry as before actually i am thankful for the time we spent together i am thankful that i felt loved and i loved back =) he was my love he IS my love this will never change i will always remeber him in a good way. to me he was a perfect guy he will always be but now i know that he wasnt "THE ONE" that means i will keep searching =)

At the end of the day, I learned a lot about myself, I decided to learn as much as I could from the break-up. I learned where I went wrong and what I do/don’t want in my life now. i am moving on i am hopeful about future and excited about the possibilities that now lay before me.i think i am growing up and i am gonna be just fine =)

thanks for reading

Peace, hope and love