why

...i can't let you go?

since then, by force, i have not spoken to him, i have maintained my being put of touch, because if the life she has chosen is truly the one he wants, he does not need me there to screw with it. i want him back desperately, but she has hurt me so much, and i would still love her if she came back. she was my light and my darkness, my soul and my heart, and now he is gone... why i can not let him go?