How can the worst feeling in the world spawn from the best?
I’m so afraid that it’s only for convenience; that this whole thing is just a matter of, “ She likes me, no one else does, so I might as well... since I like someone". and i'm glad i am one of those "girls" she likes about.. who gravitates towards the "other girls". i've never really been like that, and i think i can relate to her on being sort of over-shadowed by the brother everyone likes.. getting back-shelved, and all.
that's one of the things that kills me; we relate so well on so many levels. both of us had same past, happy and unhappy lives like a good deal of our friends. same favorite fruit strawberry, same family history, although we are not same religion, still we are same understanding.. it's crazy. it's never boring and never uncomfortable with him.
and yet..
i'm happy he's accomodating me, that's he's really showing interest because maybe he really did like me, he realized he did like me, he does know how to let me feel on easy. i know. that's what happy. i know. i know. i think we can be together and making me thing i am worth him.
but i’m afraid he might like one or others on where we met. How twisted is that? But it’s the truth. I keep thinking they’re thinner, more outgoing, and way prettier than I am. What if I’m just a means to an end for him, a means of getting to the people there? He and someone get along really well. oh just let it be, just enjoy what we have right now.
Ugh. i hate my mind. but i like someone.
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